Well, folks, it’s all over except for the shouting! This is it. I don’t know if I would have made it without the strong encouragement of my friends, especially my online friends.
I do have passion, I have that in spades. It’s just been a really difficult last couple of weeks. I’ve been going through a depression, and it’s been affecting my work, my friendships, everything I’m about. It’s forced me to dig deep on some reserve I never knew I had in order to finish this commitment.
It’s not just about the shiny, shiny blog badge, either (although I’m always up for shiny, shiny things 😉 ). It’s about completion. It’s about finishing what I start. Last year I completed NaNoWriMo for the first time in a long time and that felt great. This feels a lot like that.
What’s your passion? What are you committed to and what’s import to finish today? Don’t wait another moment. The feeling’s indescribable.
While it’s important to understand that “No” is a full sentence, and we need to be able to use that in our lives when we need to, it’s just as important to shout “Yes!” to life’s many opportunities. We only get one chance at this great thing, we might as well give it our all, eh?
I don’t figure that when I’m taking my last breath I will be thinking of all the rotten things I did, or even all the good things I did. I reckon I’ll be thinking of the chances I missed because I was too scared or too hesitant when I thought maybe I couldn’t do it. Or wasn’t good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, on and on and on.
Today I shout a giant “YES!” to life. I’m ready. I’m so there.
Ahem. Maybe one day at a time.
How about you? What have you said yes to lately? What are you willing to say yes to?
Xylitol is a naturally occurring carbohydrate. It is widely found in nature, as well as a variety of fruits and vegetables. Xylitol is also extracted from birch bark. It is important to remember, however, that Xylitol is a specific molecule. The Xylitol extracted from one source is exactly the same as Xylitol from any other source – just as the sugar (sucrose) extracted from beets is exactly the same as the sugar we get from sugar cane.
I never knew, or cared, about any of these things until I understood that I was also a sugar addict and needed to attend Overeaters Anonymous meetings. Now it’s important to me to read labels, to know how many grams of sugar are in the things I’m eating, etc.
“If taken in moderation, xylitol is unlikely to pose a problem. However, refined carbohydrates, such as pasta, white bread, pastries, and cakes are quickly broken down into glucose and act just as refined sugar does. (Note: complex carbohydrates as found in whole grains and washed white Basmati rice are fine, but avoid most other types of polished white rice due their depleted nutritional value.) Obviously, sugar-rich foods and beverages, such as chocolate, ice cream, and soda should be avoided.”
– Andreas Moritz Cancer Is Not A Disease – It’s A Survival Mechanism
The wisdom of knowing the difference between accepting the things we cannot change and the courage to change the things we can is a delicate balance. For me it’s like walking a tightrope sometimes.
And it probably doesn’t help that I’m a slow learner. 😉 Even when I read something, it takes me a while to absorb it, and even longer to put it into practice. So when I ran into difficulty these past couple of weeks with depression, it never occurred to me to ask for help.
Even though I write about it here on these pages, even though I practically PREACH about how important it is to stay in touch with the meetings and with a sponsor, I isolated myself and took a serious nosedive.
Why? Because I was afraid. I was afraid to tell my sponsor something about myself. I was afraid of how she might react when she knew this information, because I thought maybe she wouldn’t like me anymore. It wasn’t even 5th step material, it was just about WHO I AM, what I do, how I operate on a day-to-day basis. And I was scared shitless.
I was so clueless about what was going on that it took my therapist to point it out to me on Tuesday. It was part of an innocent conversation I had had with my sponsor a week ago Saturday, and I had left something out. Something small, but important to who I am. This morning I met with her (my sponsor) and we talked it through.
All those fears were unfounded. Just as she promised before, she loves me unconditionally. 😀 She takes me as I am.
How about that? Sometimes wisdom is hard fought, and comes from falling flat on my face before I reach out for a hand up.
Where is your wisdom “meter” at? From a 1-10, how wise are you today . . . 1 being “Oh man, I need serious help!” to 10 being “Call up the Dalai Lama, we may have a replacement!”? 😉
When I was a child my value was tied up in what my parents thought of me, whether my family thought well of me. My father was sick, an alcoholic, so his thinking was affected. He did the best he could at the time.
I’m not terminally unique. Most of us come with some sort of baggage from our childhood. Maybe it’s an alcoholic home, maybe it’s something else, or maybe we grew up in a Leave it to Beaver home and our problem is trying to be too perfect.
The point is we all start with our beginning value from somewhere. It changes and morphs from there, depending on our life experiences, who we know, the people we choose to spend time with and love, and the messages we take into our hearts.
I have been in and out of psychiatric hospitals for many years in my adult life, from the time I was about 27 until just about two years ago, when we bought Lucy, and when I started on Neurontin for my bipolar disorder.
What keeps me steady now? I’m not sure it’s any one thing. I believe it’s a combination of things. Lucy needs me, that’s sure and steady. The Neurontin has been a life-saver in more ways than one, taking care of three symptoms besides balancing my emotions. At Al-Anon I learn that what I have to say matters, that I have a voice . . . and, of course, the best sponsor in the whole wide world. 😉
Do you know that you’re valued in this world? Do you know that someone thinks you are special, just because you are you? I hope so, because it’s true!
NOTE: I’m so sorry that I’m behind. Please forgive me. I really want to finish the contest. I’ll catch up later tonight and tomorrow morning. I’m not used to writing every day and it has SO stretched and made me grow! ~~
The last line of the Al-Anon suggested closing goes like this: “…let the understanding, love, and peace of the program grow in you one day at a time.” Then we usually stand as a group and recite the Our Father, or some choose to say the Serenity prayer.
Yesterday, at the noon meeting, we had two newcomers. When that happens, I forget all about my fear in sharing. I forget about not knowing what I’m going to say when it’s my turn. I stop comparing myself to other people.
Something just takes over. I like to think of it as God speaking for me. I truly understand what it’s like to be new, to just walk into Al-Anon because you don’t know where else to turn. I understand feeling like someone has gotten on your very last nerve and you are truly going to lose it at any moment, or HAVE lost it too many times to count. I understand feeling like your prayers aren’t even being heard any longer.
I understand not wanting to get out of bed in the morning because it takes just too much energy to put your feet on the ground or even to lift your head from the pillow. I understand counting bottles and checking a loved one’s breath to see if she’s been drinking. I understand waiting up and worrying, checking hospitals and police stations. I’ve been there. I truly have, and I’ve done all that.
I understand RESENTING having to be at an Al-Anon meeting because “Why should I have to be here if I don’t have a problem?? It’s the alcoholic that has a problem!! Not me!” YES, I understand that too. You are not alone.
In Al-Anon it’s hard to shock people because each and everyone has a story similar to tell.
The slogan “think” used to puzzle me. I mean, isn’t it my “stinking thinking” that gets me into trouble more times than not? So how could “think” be a good thing? Then I broke it down. Is it:
T – true?
H – helpful?
I – inspirational?
N – necessary?
K – kind?
Whatever I’m about to say, or do, I need to stop and ask myself if it is ALL of those things.
Am I always successful? 😦 Not hardly. But with that as my guide, I’m getting there. And I’m more successful today than I was in the past. I’m able to catch myself at negativity more quickly. I’m able to do a 10th step and make amends more quickly as a result of the “think” principle in my life.