B is for Balance

I’m a freakish researcher. Seriously. I would’ve made a great legal or research assistant, because I research things to the extreme. It takes a gentle nudge from my sponsor to let my know that maybe I’ve done enough and it’s time to stop.

Two examples: When I came to Al-Anon, the qualifying alcoholic in my life was still sober. But then she relapsed.

In my helplessness, and because I was not yet ready to turn that over to God, I researched everything I could. I took books out of the library. I have nearly 50 books downloaded on my Kindle just under the category of Recovery. I read websites. I read my Al-Anon literature with new eyes.

It didn’t change anything. It didn’t change the alcoholic. It didn’t even really give me any peace. What finally gave me peace was letting it go.

The second example is when I found out that sugar suppresses the immune system, and that – since I have chronic fatigue system – I have no business eating sugar, which I secretly carry on a love life with. 😉

BOOM. You guessed it. Research-mode. Went to the library the other day. I currently have five books out about sugar addiction and two on hold, but only one downloaded to kindle and that’s ALL I’m going to download. PROMISE. My sponsor and I laughed about it this morning, because she knew as soon as I told her I found out about sugar and the immune system what would be happening.

I’m sure it’s a result of growing up in a family of such extremes. I learned to cling to the extremes and hold on for dear life.  I take full responsibility for the decisions I make now, don’t get me wrong. But it was so chaotic growing up, and abusive.

Gentleness is my go-to word with myself. Be gentle and find BALANCE. Slowly I’m learning to let go of or accept the things I cannot change and change the things I can. I’m learning it doesn’t have to be all or nothing. I can do the best I can and LET IT GO. Someone – maybe just one person – may be touched by the words I have spoken. Or not. I’ve done my best.

Peace out.

Comments

  1. Hi Chris! I’m sorry I missed the kickoff yesterday — I was out of town and didn’t get the chance to repay the visit you made to my blog.

    Great post here! Balance is absolutely needed in everything. As someone who grew up in an alcoholic household, I totally understand your first point. Living with an alcoholic makes EVERYTHING out of balance except what you can control — which is only your inner self. But that’s where balance does the most good. Hang in there!

    Like

  2. Hello! Sorry I missed the kickoff yesterday — was out of town and got back late, but I appreciate the comment on my blog you left and wanted to return the visit.

    Great post here, and thank you for it! Balance is needed in everything! And as someone who grew up in an alcoholic household, I totally understand your first example. Living with an alcoholic makes EVERYTHING out of balance, except what you can control — which is only your inner self. But that’s where balance does the most good. Hang in there!

    Like

    • Thanks for commenting. Yes, balance is needed in everything, whether we grew up with alcoholics or not! And the only thing we can control, truly, whether we grew up in that atmosphere or not, is our inner selves.

      Thanks again! See you around. 🙂

      Like

  3. *pretends not to notice comments about sugar and depressed immune system*

    Balance is hard. Trying to find peace in the middle . . .

    One of the things that I think it helps to keep in mind is that balance is very rarely passive. Sure, that picture you have isn’t active. But in our lives? Try walking — you have to readjust your balance constantly. That’s what life is. Taking into account everything that’s going on and reacting in proportion (so we don’t overbalance). It’s a high-wire act, or can be. Good luck with yours!

    Like

    • True. All of life is a balancing act. And, as for walking, try doing that and chewing gum at the same time. I’ve never been very good at at that. 😉 I notice if it’s something I care too much about I tend to overbalance, then must LEARN to pull back.

      Thanks for stopping by and commenting!

      Like

Lay it on me!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s