From May, 2012

Whole Vs. Hole

Right, I was going to post more pics of Tweetybird. Well, I got sidetracked by preparing to write my novel, Where is Faith?, for Camp NaNoWriMo, starting tomorrow. I promise I’ll post pics tomorrow. Pinky promise. 😉 Today I want to talk about a book I’m currently reading and about how a certain passage resonated within me. It’s a YA novel called Clean by Amy Reed, about a group of teens in a rehab together. They are asked to write essays about themselves, what got them in their situations and so forth. One of the teens, Eva, writes so beautifully, she breaks my heart. Here is…

Courage to Change the Things We Can

Remember way back when in April or maybe the end of March some time when I talked about cleaning my car, Tweetybird?  Yeah, I never did. Not until yesterday and the day before, until I was backed against the wall and we were going to take my sister to her court date. But I did it! She’s beautiful again. 🙂 And I am SO SORE, from bending over and picking up empty iced tea bottles and cans, Coke cans, etc, and putting them in trash bags (no, when I’m in full-on clean mode like this, I do NOT recycle, sorry).…

Reality Check

  Well, today turned out to be the pre-sentencing hearing. My sister pleaded guilty, and between the judge, the prosecuter and her attorney I guess they worked out that she could get from o-60 days in jail (it’s not 30 days anymore). Between now and then she will see her probation officer. She has to put her best foot forward with him, because he will influence the sentencing. That’s about all I have to say, except she’s feeling pretty sorry for herself. The attorney strongly suggested she attend as many AA meetings as she could between now and July 3rd,…

My God Box

I have a God Box. In it I put things like…peace of mind, acceptance, courage, certain weird prayers. Today I finally put my sister in the God box and I closed it. I generally don’t revisit the God box unless a prayer has been answered, and then I open it to write a thank you to God. Tomorrow is court date. We leave at 12:00, have to be there at 1:30 p.m. Do you have a God Box? What kinds of things do you add to your box? Is it hard for you to leave it closed? Peace out.

It’s ALREADY Okay.

My prayers have been fervent and many of late. At the Al-Anon meeting this morning, I asked for a table on Hope, because I thought that’s what I needed to talk about. The thing about the fellowship, I learn so much more from them than they could ever learn from me. I ended up learning what I need to sustain me during these next difficult days with my sister is faith. I listened to stories around the table about faith, and I wrote things down, but mostly I remembered what God had said to me when I got on my…

Gratitude List, Because I Need It

I need a gratitude list this morning. I just need it. Really, truly, seriously in a big way. So bear with me, and I hope it helps you in some way as well. God loves me, and He loves my sister my health nature sunny days music books the love of writing Lucy (the dog) Al-Anon Dori (my sponsor) my family (in no particular order, so that none should be jealous should they ever read this 😉 ) bubble baths hot showers sleep good dreams that moment in writing when you pass into like a state of mind where you…

Turning People Over To The Care Of A Higher Power

Okay, so I can totally relate to this picture here. When it comes to the Third Step, Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him, I’m a total control freak with the big things. And what exactly ARE the big things? I mean, I can turn over parking spaces, book ideas, my dog’s ear infection and different things like that. But when it comes to people I love it’s an entirely different story. I have a pretty big deal coming up on the 29th, next Tuesday, and I’ve been talking around…

Overwhelmed

Okay, so I spoke with Mary, my temporary OA (Overeaters Anonymous) sponsor yesterday evening, and she told me she would like me do several things that she did for her sponsor and that had worked for her. 1. To call her every day, and tell her what I’ve eaten the day before, if I’m on track with my meal plan for that day. 2. To read three pages in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, find something on each page that means something or touches me in some way, and write about each thing in a notebook . . .…

Met with my boss at the Book Nook. We went over some procedures, that I hadn’t known and apparently a few others hadn’t known either. She gave me a bag of yarn. I was so touched. It reminded me of my love for knitting, and made me want to go ahead and begin my Einstein Coat project. People can be so wonderful. I’m amazingly touched.

The Importance of Sponsorship

Sponsorship is one of the tools of recovery in Twelve Step programs. I, however, would call it more than a tool. I would call it absolutely necessary for honest recovery.  Whereas I can fool myself pretty much all of the time, I can never fool my sponsor for very long. Nor would I want to. This morning, I went to an OA meeting. I admitted that I’m still in deep denial about the whole process. I didn’t even admit that I’m a compulsive overeater. I merely said “Hi, I’m Chris” and began my sharing. The miracle though, the one I’m…

Serenity

The original serenity prayer is stated as follows: “God, give us the grace to accept with serenity the things that cannot be changed, courage to change the things which should be changed, and the wisdom to distinguish the one from the other.” This serenity prayer was written by Reinhold Niebuhr. Over time, Alcoholics Anonymous adopted the prayer as part of the Twelve Step program. The prayer was modified and is said as: “God grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change, courage to change the things we can, and wisdom to know the difference.” While the serenity prayer’s…

Just Like the Seasons, People Can Change

I’ve read this statement before, and in fact it’s my wallpaper on my computer, so I see it every time I wake the thing up. Because it’s there, and I don’t generally put things up as wallpaper or screensaver unless I believe them or have some sort of strong feelings about them, I thought I agreed with that statement. I really thought, “Well, yeah, people really can change.” But lately I am of the belief that as a general rule people do not change unless forced by some outside circumstance. Unless someone is backed against the wall by something larger than themselves,…

Thanksgiving Day Redux

A couple months ago I wrote a post about gratitude, and today seemed a fitting day to revisit the subject. So here we are. At the meeting this morning we chose three readings, and they all seemed related to changing our attitudes, whether it had to do with a state of needless worry, or communication with the alcoholic in our lives, or whatever. It made me realize how much there is in my life – right now, this minute – to be grateful for. My mother will by 85 years old this year and is in very good health, still…

Hands . . . Off

The tenth step of Al-Anon says: “Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.” It’s one of those steps I take on a daily basis, or try to, before I hit the sheets at night, during my prayer time. I ask God to point out to me any areas where I might need to make amends. I also acknowledge any successes or achievements throughout the day, and am grateful for those. It’s a time for me to make any adjustments in my life. The adjustments aren’t always easy, and sometimes take much longer than the recognition…

Dog-Tired

I’m exhausted; tired down to my bones; dog tired. I have not been sleeping well the last couple of nights. I know why, and it’s because I haven’t been praying enough, and haven’t been “letting go and letting God” when I am afraid.  I shouldn’t even be afraid, if I’m working my program right.  Well no, I take that back. Feelings are feelings. They come and go, like thoughts. There’s not much we can do about them.  In other news, I finished reading “Eat, Pray, Love” finally. I loved this book. It’s not a book I would have picked up on my…

Second Chances

The world is an amazing place, I’m convinced of this more and more each day. Not only in the nature of its glory around me, but in the people I come in contact with every moment. Yesterday morning, I went to my (previously) usual Blueprint For Progress 4th Step meeting, which started out much larger than it now consists of, which is myself and three other women. I brought the key to the church building I’d been given in case the group leader couldn’t be there, and nothing else. My intention was to explain to them why I had missed four weeks…

A Whole Lot of Love

At Saturday’s meeting there was another double winner, like me, a friend of mine (at least, she signed my sheet, so I count her among  my friends now 😉 ) who is in both AA and Al-Anon. She mentioned when it was her time to share that she was celebrating that very day 27 YEARS of sobriety. Whoo hoo!!! All meetings have a different sort of “flavor,” and this meeting is much looser, and allows crosstalk. We allow questions and direct statements back and forth to each other because we are a very small and close-knit group. It’s just how…

Fear and its Antidote: Faith

Often, around the tables, we will hear the acronym F*E*A*R defined as “F*ck Everything And Run.” 😉 I’m sorry if that offended anyone, but lately it is more my intention to be honest and as upfront as I can . . . I try also to be kind, but sometimes they do not go hand-in-hand, when the truth is so very important. Yesterday, just before I left for my meeting, I received heartbreaking, devastating family news. My heart literally broke into pieces at the same time I could feel my pulse begin to race and mouth dried up like the…

Asking For Help With H.A.L.T.

After being in Al-Anon a while,  I learned about the acronym H.A.L.T., which teaches us never to get too hungry, angry, lonely, or tired.  I’ve been rolling along all right, I guess, with the hungry and tired part . . . you know, eating enough (while not correctly) and sleeping enough. But I’ve been slipping in the anger department lately. And I’m devastatingly lonely. There, I said it. I don’t have any real/life friends other than my sponsor, and– Oh God, that sounds absolutely pathetic. But it’s really not. Because for the most part I enjoy my own company and have been perfectly…

De Nile: It Really Isn’t Just a River in Egypt!

It’s fairly easy to talk the talk. It’s much easier to tell people what to do, to give people advice, than to take that advice for oneself. What I’m trying to say is, I’ve been in some denial about something pretty big. I’ve said here on my blog that I’m a “double winner,” and by that I mean I am a member of two anonymous groups: Al-Anon, and Overeaters Anonymous. Well, I’m in a rather large amount of denial about OA, and I intend to change that in this blog post. I’ve still been attending the meetings. I just haven’t been…