Okay, so I can totally relate to this picture here. When it comes to the Third Step, Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him, I’m a total control freak with the big things.
And what exactly ARE the big things? I mean, I can turn over parking spaces, book ideas, my dog’s ear infection and different things like that.
But when it comes to people I love it’s an entirely different story. I have a pretty big deal coming up on the 29th, next Tuesday, and I’ve been talking around it, and in vague terms. Today I’m just going to come right out and say it, because I could use your prayers or comments of support, whatever you can offer me. Even just your “likes” on this post will send my heart soaring. Honestly.
My sister was arrested for her 4th drunk driving and I’m driving her to court on Tuesday. She faces from 1-5 YEARS in prison. There is a possibility of treatment instead, so we’re praying about that. Fortunately, she didn’t hurt anyone else while she was driving (or herself), so she’s not dealing with manslaughter charges.
I’ve been doubling up on my Al-Anon meetings, and talking to my sponsor a lot, because my sister calls me often to speak to me, looking for reassurance, or just to talk. She speculates much about the future, and I try to help her take it one day at a time, and one hour at a time if she needs to. We just DON’T KNOW what will happen. Only God knows.
That’s where I get hung up. I get all twisted up inside when I think about Tuesday. As much as I’m reassuring her, I think of how much I will miss my sister. No matter what happens, she will go away for quite a while. If it’s treatment, it will be long term somewhere. I talk to her every day without fail except for when she is drinking. Then I miss her the most.
The only time I have peace with this is when I’m sleeping. I try so hard to turn her over. I pray to my higher power, which is God, and I say, “I know she belongs to You. She was Yours way before I ever even knew her. You can take such good care of her if I just let go. Help me to let go. Please.” *laughing* Praying a prayer for help to turn someone over doesn’t even seem to make a lick of sense, does it?
But it’s the best I can do for now.
Peace out.
Recovery Along Route 66 
maybe turn over her “disease” of alcoholism…that has helped me when i can’t seem to bear my strong feelings of love mixed in with an active alcoholic…sending you prayers…many people i interviewed for a documentary only got sober through this kind of situation..like Bob Forrest who went into treatment 22 times and only got sober from this kind of experience..god bless you..
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Thanks, that does help. She’s sober now, and doing much better, one day at a time. 🙂 I’m doing better too . . . less anxious, one day at a time!
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When you know how a program works, it’s harder to approach it with fresh eyes and get something useful out of it (at least, for me, I find that to be the case), so I understand what you mean about your sister’s challenges. I don’t understand it from an alcohol perspective, but if I apply my struggles with food, I imagine the experience has some similarities.
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That’s exactly it. That’s how I can relate, and of course with my smoking addiction. I’v suggested she keep a journal while she’s there and it might help. Only she can decide what she will do.
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I think Bonnie said it better than I can. I also hope treatment will be offered and your sister enters it with a willingness and commitment (or whatever she needs for it to do her the most good).
I’m sure you will both have a difficult time, no matter the result. Everything happens for a reason. I pray you will each come through this difficult time with positive results.
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Jean, that’s also my hope, is that the judge will be merciful and she will be offered (ordered) into LONG-TERM treatment. That’s the only thing that will help her, since she knows the program backwards and forwards. She’s too smart for her own good, and I don’t say that out of meanness or anything of the sort. Some people – their intelligence gets in the way. You know? It’s a simple program, and analysis paralysis sets in and then we are in greater trouble than we ever knew.
Yes, it will be a difficult time for both of us. No matter what happens. Thank you for your prayers, Jean. I appreciate it more than I can say. At least I got through this reply without crying! 🙂
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Big hugs. What a terribly difficult time for all of you.
You know that just because she’s in jail, won’t mean she’s out of your life for that many years. You can write, and there are visiting hours. She’s going to need her family’s love and support more than ever. But it sounds to me like she also needs this break, this rock bottom moment, to be forced to deal with her own inner demons. That’s not a fight anybody else can help with, no matter how much they want to. It’s going to be hard for both of you. Her problems have taken up so much of both your lives that it’s going to leave a huge empty place that will have to be filled with something else. Hugs and prayers for both of you.
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Thanks so much, Bonnie, for the prayers and the encouragement. I couldn’t reply at first because I was crying. Love you, my friend.
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Hugs. Thinking of you tonight, and tomorrow.
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It’s ALREADY okay because God is eternal and not linear. He knows the end from the beginning and answers before we ask. His definition of okay may not be the same as ours, but His definition is perfect. His version of “okay” is what is the highest “best” for your sister and for you. Accepting that when the outcome is not exactly as you asked is the sticky part. But yes, indeed , it is ALREADY okay 🙂
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My heart goes out to you! A past friend from a recovery group often said, “Everything I ever let go of had claw marks all over it” I think her point was it’s going to be taken out of your hands; how much pain is involved is up to me. Another funny quote, “Better let it go before you turn it over, or you will be upside down!” I can empathize with your angst over your sister. A long time ago a good friend was arrested for drunk driving. The uncertainty was so difficult. I will pray that you can detach in a healthy, loving way and love your sister( and yourself) no matter what happens.
(((hugs)))
Deb
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Thanks so much, Deb. Yeah, it’s not easy, even though it would be so much simpler and BETTER to let go of her, you know? In my head I know that, and I think deep in my heart I know it too, but it’s like . . . I don’t know, I’m just still so fearful. God already knows the outcome. He keeps telling me that when I pray. The answer is, “It’s already okay, little one. It’s ALREADY okay.” But I’m not sure what that means. How could it be?? Because I haven’t let go, is why. Thank you for praying for me and for my sister. And for the HUGS!
(((((((hugs back))))))))
Chris
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