What’s Goin’ On…

 

Have you ever just felt like you were going to explode inside? Like you had all these pent up feelings you didn’t know what to do with?  I feel like Mt. Vesuvius ready to blow, and I worry for whomever might be in my path in the next few days.

I really want to just get in my car and drive. I mean for a distance, and for a long time, until I’m somewhere I’ve never been where no one knows me and there aren’t any expectations, no one hanging on me for this or that, or rides here or there… I’m just . . . grrrr. So – EDGY. I feel like I want to throw things and jump up and down like a two-year-old, and I’ve never felt like that in my entire life.

So glad I’m going to a meeting this morning, because even though I can’t “dump” all this at the meeting, I can talk about the edginess, and the newness of these feelings. I can dump the wanting to run away with my sponsor and talk about what to do with that. WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN ALL YOU WANT TO DO IS RUN AWAY??? When everything within you is screaming, “Go away! Very fast! Now, while you still have a chance and before you get sucked into the mire and can’t get out at all!!”

Dear God, I don’t even know where these feelings are coming from. Dear Reader, I don’t expect you to have the answers. This is just my safe place. My go to place, where I can come and lay it out. It WILL work out. I’m scared because these are quite unexpected feelings for me, that’s all. It’s normal and perfectly all right to be scared.

It’s already okay, right? 😉

Peace out.

11 Comments

  1. Yeah, I usually feel like that when I’m going through really big changes.

    I used to kind of give in to the desire to run, until I figured out the only thing I was trying to run from was myself…

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    1. We were talking about that at a meeting yesterday. Or rather, a woman was talking and I was listening. She shared about how she had always been afraid of the feelings and wanted to run away. Her therapist told her to let the feelings pass over her like clouds and to just sit with them. That they wouldn’t kill her, and she would survive them. I found that very interesting.

      I’m afraid I won’t be able to make it very well without my sister. There. I said it. That’s why I want to run away. As much as she’s can be a pain in the ass, and as much as she drives me crazy, I love her to pieces, and I’m going to miss her when she goes away. 😦

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    1. You’re so right. And feelings aren’t facts. They’re just feelings. Yes, and my mission is to remind people how good life can be, how they can help themselves to recover despite having an active alcoholic in their lives….it’s why I started this blog. Thank you!! Lost sight of why I was here, not just to vomit up what’s in my head every day! 😛

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      1. You don’t want to go denying the emotions, either. They may pass, but they’re real. Acknowledging that is part of dealing with it and recovering from it.

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