From August, 2012

Self-worth

¬†I think this says it all. I will be gone for three days but I will be back on Tuesday. Going to my cousin’s cottage in Saugatuck to celebrate my 50th birthday which is on the 5th of September! I hope to have a lot of fun. See you when I get back! Have a lovely, lovely weekend. Peace out.

We Don’t Live In A Vacuum

“Nothing we do, however virtuous, can be accomplished alone; therefore, we are saved by love.” –Reinhold Niebuhr Today’s reading in Courage to Change absolutely blew me away. It was ostensibly about sponsorship and how important a sponsor was to this sponsee. But really it was about love. She learned about her worthiness as a person through her sponsor. I was at an Al-Anon meeting (stop me if I’ve told you this story before ūüėČ ), where there was a double winner (a person from AA who also had Al-Anon issues). She was celebrating 26 years of AA. She told us…

Seven Sure Signs You Are NOT Codependent

1. NO is your favorite word, so it’s never a problem for you to say it when someone makes a request. 2. You never do anything for someone that they are quite capable of doing for themselves. 3. You aren’t loaded up with guilt and shame for things you didn’t do. 4. You detach with love, and not resentment. 5. Far from perfect, you are a work in progress, and you take your own inventory (take stock of what’s going on inside) regularly. 6. You don’t worry about what the loved one in your life might do, say…etc. 7. You…

Being Bold, Bad, And Beautiful!

So sorry I haven’t been posting a while. Haven’t been well, almost had to go into the hospital, my doctor had to change a bunch of my meds, and on top of that I’m in a senior choral production of Broadway show tunes. So I have been very busy, very sad but with that fine-fine face that I know some of you will know what I’m talking about. However, that’s not what I wanted to talk about today. Some kind of transformation has taken place in me through all this, you know, “stuff.” It’s made me stronger, braver, and not…

How Do We Define Character Defects?

What does the word “defective” evoke in you? Does it make you think of things that need to be returned, exchanged, or even destroyed? According to Dictionary.com, defective means “having a defect or flaw; faulty; imperfect;¬†a defective machine.¬† Checking further,¬†defect¬†means “a shortcoming, fault, or imperfection;¬†lack¬†or¬†want,¬†especially¬†of¬†something¬†essential¬†to¬†perfection or¬†completeness;¬†deficiency.” Well, I don’t know about you, but I’m not sure I even WANT to be perfect—but I guess that’s neither here nor there. We were discussing defects, and how we define them. ūüėČ Here are some definitions of character defects that may or may not work for you; I’m embarrassingly imperfect. ūüėČ 1.¬†Old coping…

When To Say Yes And When To Say No

Sometimes it can seem like a balancing act between saying “yes” and saying “no” and we feel ourselves teetering in Maybe-land. Saying no is not a bad thing. Neither is saying yes. It is YOUR recovery. It takes you as long as it takes you to get wherever you need to get. And that’s up to you and your sponsor, or your higher power, or whomever you decide to take along the journey. I have had to learn to say no for my own sanity and self-care. It has not been easy. I’ve been met with tears, and pleading, manipulation,…

To Avoid or Not To Avoid – Need Help!

“Experience is not what happens to you, it is what you do with what happens to you.” –Aldous Huxley I hope you are awake, Gentle Readers, because I need your advice this morning. There is an anniversary celebration at my “home” Al-Anon meeting, the Peace at the End of the Road meeting this morning. There will be a breakfast followed by an Al-Anon speaker, an AA speaker, and an Al-Ateen speaker. I’m psyched about it. Except for one thing. The Al-Anon speaker will be Karen, and she’s someone who REALLY hurt my feelings at a non-al-anon function, trying to “school”…

God Comes First In The Serenity Prayer

“Every now and again take a good look at something not made with hands—a mountain, a star, the turn of a stream. There will come to you wisdom and patience and solace and, above all, the assurance that you are not alone in the world.” –Sidney Lovett When I pray the serenity prayer, I place a special emphasis on the first word, “God.” Now, don’t stop reading at this point. See, what I love about the Al-Anon program and the CoDA (Codependency Anonymous) program is they allow for each to come the “God of his own understanding.” I had a…

Wisdom -Where Does It Come From?

That’s part of the inside of my car. The back seat is still pristine. My point is, I think a lot of times we get wiser from making mistakes. Progress not perfection. I’ll clean it today. Peace out.

Change Through Spontaneity!

I’ll be the first to admit it. I’m a planner. I don’t like surprises. And it was a huge step for me when I invited my ubersponsor over yesterday morning for tea (or coffee, whatever she wanted). Everything was set. I had¬†just¬†finished straightening out the family room, the kitchen was clean, the downstairs bathroom (the one I mostly use), my bedroom . . . I was as ready as I was going to get. And I was¬†excited. My UBERSPONSOR was coming to my HOUSE!!¬†You have to know that I never let anyone come over. Not¬†my¬†friends, anyway. Mom’s friends come over…

Accepting Our Choices

It’s hard to make a choice in life, then walk away without a quick glance back to wonder, “Did I do the right thing? Could I have made a better/healthier/more helpful choice?” At least, that’s how it goes for me. Take this blog for instance. I don’t know how many times I changed the “theme,” the basic looks of he blog before I finally settled on this one. And it’s still hard. Every time WordPress comes out with new themes I allow myself to “window shop,” but I do NOT buy. ūüėČ It’s tough love on myself. Sometimes I would…

Would We Do It All Again, If We Had The Chance?

This is a post for The Christian Writers Blog Chain. This month’s theme is memory. If any one faculty of our nature may be called more wonderful than the rest, I do think it is memory. There seems something more speakingly incomprehensible in the powers, the failures, the inequalities of memory, than in any other of our intelligences. The memory is sometimes so retentive, so serviceable, so obedient; at others, so bewildered and so weak; and at others again, so tyrannic, so beyond control! We are, to be sure, a miracle every way; but our powers of recollecting and of…

Non-Shifting And Shifting Boundaries – What’s The Difference?

Okay. Who remembers with me being a kid and setting a boundary down the middle of the room you shared with a sister or brother, perhaps with tape? “THIS is how far you can cross and NO farther!” Ha ha! I remember, because I shared a room with my sister until she left home at an early age. Some boundaries don’t shift at all. Property lines, for one thing. That’s why you’ll see NO TRESPASSING signs, and yes, people have the right to bear arms if you trespass and don’t leave when asked. Our bodies, if they can be considered…

It’s August – That Must Mean Step Eight!

Step eight: Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all. Just a couple things about this step. Some people, in their zeal to “come clean,” list every single person they think they have every harmed, including their children if their feelings got hurt when they were grounded, and things like that. I am not responsible for other peoples’ unfulfilled desires. Simple as that. Other peoples’ expectations are not my responsibility¬†unless I have helped to create them.¬† Also,¬†willingness¬†is key here. Some people find it helpful to divide their list into three…

Feeling Terrified But Doing It Anyway

It’s the first Wednesday of the month, folks, and that means it’s time for a gathering of my friends in the Insecure Writers Support Group. Here we share our fears, our anxieties, our hopes and dreams. If you would like to join, just click here: Insecure Writers Support Group.¬†We”d love to have you! I did something this past month that terrified me. I submitted my short story, “Damaged,” to Glimmer Train Press. I wrote it, rewrote, cut some, rewrote it, and cut some more, until it was about 756 words (It was an entry for the Very Short Fiction Award,…