Depression: It Isn’t “The Blues”

caution depression ahead I wish a sign like this truly existed, to prepare depression sufferers, so we could gather our troops, call our allies, pack our supplies, and trench in.

I’m bipolar. Unlike my sister, who swings toward the manic side of bipolar, I swing toward the depressive side. So I have less manic episodes, and more depression. These past few weeks I’ve been experiencing bipolar depression symptoms, although I saw my doctor last week, and he tells me my symptoms are likely related to a situation in my life and will most likely go away when that situation is resolved.

My mom is seriously sick. She’s 85 years old, and I’m so grateful that this is the first time in all of her 85 years that she’s ever been seriously ill, but it doesn’t make it any easier to watch her suffer.

Even though I know my meetings will help, because it’s the place where I can be myself and share about my fears and sadness, instead of going I isolate and the depression builds. In other words, I don’t take the advice I so freely give away.

The best part is a good friend who doesn’t say anything at all, but just listens to me vent. Doesn’t offer platitudes or counsel, just sits next to me. For them – I am beyond thankful. Because it’s not about having “the blues,” as you can see from the symptoms above.  It’s not uncommon, for I know I have many comrades-in-arms. But it’s not something I can just shake off, or I would have done so. Trust me. Peace out.depressed_silhouette

Turning It Over

higher power This morning I’m going to attend the Amazing Grace Al-Anon meeting, and, because my sponsor is away on vacation, I’m taking over her duty of handing out yearly tokens for March birthdays.

I hope you don’t take offense at my sense of humor with the image I’ve posted here. I don’t have a cat, but my dog would gladly take the job. 😉 She thinks she’s the boss of me. It’s all tongue-in-cheek of course. I DO have a higher power, and it’s not me, or my dog. It’s God. I’m thrilled to hand out tokens this morning, because I know the courage it takes to live life one day at a time. I know the effort it took to get to this place of an anniversary.

But I know what the answer will invariably be when someone (perhaps me) shouts out “How’d you do it?” That person will mention the Al-Anon program itself, their sponsor, other friends, and – last but not least (or maybe even first) – a higher power.

Turning our lives over to a higher power does not mean we laze around cluelessly and never lift a finger in our lives. It means we do the footwork and leave the outcome up to our higher powers. It means we let that higher power have the steering wheel, but we still have the power to put on the brakes, to slow things down if things are going too quickly.

God has blessed my life in countless ways since I’ve been a member of Al-Anon.

Peace out.

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