So sorry I have been quiet on here. I have another blog, another passion that has torn me away, Hooker With Yarn, Strings Attached, which is, as you may have guessed, about crochet and all things related to crochet. I have given up my first love, writing, because I’ve decided I’m not good at it, and why torture yourself to try to become something you think you should be? Fiber art is still creative art. It is simply a different medium.
But that’s not what this post is about. I just thought you should know that if you don’t see me on here, you might want to see what I’m up to over there. 😉
Lately, I’ve been struggling with my nephew, and by extension, his mother my sister. My sister is doing fine, by the way. She has been clean and sober for several months and is living in her own apartment in Ann Arbor. It just goes to show you though, that for the Al-Anon, recovery really never ends. I have to stay on my toes. Just because she’s sober (less than a year) it doesn’t mean she doesn’t still try to be manipulative, or lay guilt trips, or get selfish and narcissistic. I have to work hard at taking care of myself, and it’s a full-time job.
My nephew is a paranoid schizophrenic, and he usually comes over to our (my Mom’s and mine) house once a week to do his laundry. For two weeks in a row, each time he came, he was talking crazy. About parasites in the water, and people controlling his thoughts from on the street, etc. This hadn’t happened since before he was hospitalized over two years ago. I asked him if he was taking his meds, to which he of course answered yes he was. I asked him if he was taking them correctly (he sometimes runs out before the month is up, which means he’s taking too much of something), and again he replied in the affirmative. But he also admitted to drinking off and on.
My sister was visiting from Ann Arbor one of the weekends he happened to “go off the deep end.” She talked to him (or at least listened to him rant) for nearly a half hour in my car in the garage while he smoked. She then decided to call his psychiatrist and let him know the symptoms she had been seeing, as an FYI. I didn’t know you could do that, but my uber T. told me that was a very good thing to do.
But when my nephew saw his psychiatrist, he made his mother out to be the crazy person, saying she was “homeless” in Ann Arbor, a “drunk,’ and didn’t know what she was talking about. He had just been under stress. Since then, he has come over one time. I asked him beforehand how he was feeling, because if he wasn’t feeling well I didn’t want him to come over (I myself take anti-anxiety medication, and it really put me in a tailspin both times). He said he was fine. I asked him if he was experiencing parasites in the water. He texted me back: “Parasites? LOL No. No parasites.” So I let him come over and he was fine.
That was one week ago. Then, this past Sunday, the day before my brother and sister-in-law were due to arrive from SF for a week, he didn’t respond to calls or texts. I felt angry. I’m used to people having the common decency of at least calling if they are not coming over, especially if I’m the one who has to go and pick them up.
He didn’t call until the next day, and then it was to say he had been sick and turned the phone off. Whether he was hung over over well and truly sick doesn’t really matter. Don’t people usually call the person that’s expecting them to say they are sick? He called to ask me if I would bring him some cigarettes.
I said no. I felt a twinge of guilt when he said, “Oh, you’re concerned for my welfare, but only to a point, is that it?” He learned manipulation from a master, after all.
He texted me again yesterday to ask me to take him to the grocery store, that he had no cash on him. I know for a fact that grocery stores accept checks.
So I ignored it. I said no.
It was a beautiful day yesterday, 65 for the high, and he lives right across the street from Meijers.
Was I wrong? What would you have done?
Peace out. xx
Recovery Along Route 66 
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Royce,
I’m so glad that you found this post useful and informative. I only do the best I can!
And thank you for sharing as well.
-Chris
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Actually, my blog has been around since 2006, if you look back at the dates. I just stopped blogging for a few years as stuff got in the way. And my “viewpoints” are no more radical than those of Al-Anon, since that is precisely where I learned them; how to say no, set boundaries around myself, etc. If I seem not well convinced of my own assertions that’s simply because I’m human. lol I question everything I say and do and wonder if it’s good and right. But I’m so glad you stopped by. I actually stopped by your website as well. I was very interested in what you had to say about addiction in the UK, but it wasn’t…well, you might want to proof it for readability. Good luck! I hope you’ll check back in! ❤
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Thanks, Jeanne!
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I love your blog.. very nice colors & theme. Did you make this website yourself or did you hire someone to do it for you? Plz answer back as I’m looking to construct my own blog and would like to know where u got this from. thanks
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Wow, Regan, it would be nice if you were writing to say something about the actual content of the post. Did you even read it?
*sigh* No, I did not make this website myself. Anyone can do it. A monkey could do it. I use wordpress.com, and I paid a pretty hefty chunk of change for the Bon Vivant theme which I customized the way I wanted it.
You’re very welcome,
Chris
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Greetings! I know this is somewhat off topic but I was wondering which blog platform are you using for this site? I’m getting sick and tired of WordPress because I’ve had problems with hackers and I’m looking at options for another platform. I would be awesome if you could point me in the direction of a good platform.
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Antoinette,
Funny you should mention that because I use WordPress and I consider posts like this sort of hacking. When you don’t comment on the post itself and have another agenda, it doesn’t really help the blogger, you know?
I don’t really know any other platforms. What I do when I get a comment that doesn’t make sense or obviously looks weird is I spam it or trash it. Simple. Then I move on.
Hope that helps.
Chris
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Thank you so much, and thanks for reading. I can only take credit for the writing, as I paid for the theme on my wordpress site! I’m so glad you find the info helpful, and hope you will continue to read.
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Howdy back! I’m glad you enjoy my posts, I’m flabbergasted you bookmarked me, and I’m so glad you’ll be checking back. 🙂
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It is awesome! I hope I’m helping you get familiar. I’m only one person, and I’m totally flawed. lol
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Hi Deidre,
Thanks, for reading. I’m a one-man band! Been sick, but getting back to it. Thanks so much for reading!
xo Chris
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Doreen,
This is definitely not a paid blog! I didn’t customize the website myself though (not talented that way). I picked a template and paid for it (pretty expensive), then customized it the way I like. There are free templates on wordpress.com as well that are just as lovely. I have another blog here, about crochet, if you choose to take a look: http://hookerwithyarnstringsattached.com/
I’ve been terribly ill since mid-June of last year, which is why no updates. Severe depression and anxiety, and now I’m in the middle of a manic episode as part of bipolar depression. Never had one of these, so it’s pretty scary for me. I want my blog to reflect this now more than al-anon issues (mental health issues, and my own recovery), but I don’t know how my readers will respond to that. What do you, as a reader, think?
With gratitude for the compliment, and reading,
Chris
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A (gulp) gift? *looks over my shoulder* You talkin’ to me? ha ha ha Thanks Buster, that means a lot to me, and I shall try not to let it go to my head (not a chance of that happening).
I’ve been unwell, but I’m getting back to it. Please read my blog again. I would enjoy your feedback.
xo Chris
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Oh my goodness, if I’m not careful, I could let you get to my head! Thank you so much, I’m getting back to blogging, just wrote a new post. Hope you will read it. I’ve been unwell.
Take care,
Chris
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I’m so jealous. Though I hear it’s a bit chilly there as well right now. What does that mean that my blog loaded quickly on your phone? I don’t understand the big deal.
I’m glad you like the info (even tho you were really just bored–lol). Seriously, thank you for the compliments. You guys are making me blush. xo Chris
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good for you!! saying no helps both you and him.
love ya!!!
dori
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Thanks Dori!
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Congrats on saying no! If he lives right across the street from the store, there is never any reason for him to call you, frankly.
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I know, right? I remember, this was when I lived in my own apartment, my car was in the shop. I walked to the store. It just never occurred to me to call someone and ask for a ride.
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You were absolutely correct in your response. First, I’d say you were showing concern for his well being by NOT bringing him cigs. Also, I have found when helping people, especially family, you need to set boundaries, or they will consume your life. How can you help someone if you are so burned out you have nothing to give? Boundaries can help prevent that.
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Thanks Sam, so true. I have let myself get burned out before, and it takes a long time to come back from that!
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Good for you for recognizing the manipulation. It’s tough to say no but in the end is best for your health and possibly even his.
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Yeah it is tough, and it’s hard to recognize manipulation in one who is mentally ill. But I’m bipolar, so I know that I too can be manipulative when I’m not careful. I guess it takes one to know one!
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