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Riddles for Fun and Folly

1. I have but only two
They taste just as sweet
Though thru bitter words may flow.

2. A hairier face you’ve never seen
and the halitosis might make you green
Brown eyes staring, body wiggling

3. Three eyes have I, all in a row.
When the green one opens, everyone goes.

4. I cover without smothering.
I’m not clothing.

5. Pull my chain, everything goes black.

6. Stout am I but not from food
My whiskers betimes slip off my face

That’s it. That’s all the fun I have today. I’ll write a more serious post later. Wanted to get this out now.
Have fun!

Knitting and Purling, and Soothing

Didn’t end up going to the meeting last night. Listened to my inner self, my chronic fatigued, bipolar self, and – more importantly – the H.A.L.T theory. Never let myself get too hungry, angry, lonely, or tired. Well, as I wrote yesterday, I was pretty wiped out. I needed a break. Today I’m going to an afternoon meeting and tonight an open talk (my first one in a very long time, so I’m excited!).

Last night was a time for knitting. Recently I splurged and bought a set of Harmony wood needles, along with the cables (and a tightener for them, otherwise they may come off during work at an alarming time!) from http://wwww.knitpiks.com. If it’s weird to be in love with knitting needles then I’m officially off the charts strange.

Everything about knitting turns me on. From the feel of the yarn as it slides through my fingers, to the soft click-click of the needles as I knit and purl (no frogging allowed here, that’s for another post), to all the beautiful colors, to seeing the product grow and knowing I – I did that!

When I’m too fatigued, I can’t do it, because I know I’ll make mistakes even in the simplest of patterns. But when I’m just a little tired and feeling sad because – like last night – I missed a favorite meeting, it soothes me and quiets my spirit. As a little girl, if someone I played with said something upsetting to me or something didn’t go my way, I would run in the house and bang something out on the piano really quickly, which usually made me feel better. Sadly, I don’t play the piano anymore.

But – knitting. Sigh. It does that and even more. If I was confident enough, I would teach others how to knit. I even get plot bunnies for writing while I knit, and that I consider a side benefit! Sometimes when I’m writing and get frustrated with how it’s going I’ll work out the snarls (no pun intended) with a good knitting project. The cobwebs get cleared out in my head and I’m ready to get back to work.

If I’m making something for someone else, like the baby blanket I’m currently making for little Eleanor Grace, I pray while I’m making it. I pray for her future, I pray that God will keep her safe in the palm of His hand.

I’ll try to remember to post pics of my knitting as I go, but I often get distracted by other things, like my lovely Lucy. Which reminds me, I want to make her a dog sweater. 😀

There. How many other knitters did I speak to, or how many did I make want to knit? Who knows, some people swear they can teach knitting over the phone. 😉

Priorities

I’ve been doing too much. Going to about four Al-Anon meetings a week, attending two lectures on alcoholism followed by sharing times afterwards, which amounts to two 3-hour evenings a week, reading all the literature on alcoholism I can get my hands on and then some. I had to take back all the books I had taken out from the library on the subject. My sponsor made me. 😛 I couldn’t exactly take back the 30+ I have downloaded to my Kindle. 😦

I’ve been accepted to work on a collaboration with 13 other writers. Also, just been accepted to do a weekly book review for a blog. So I have to, I guess, RE-prioritize my life.

It’s not about the alcoholic in my life. It’s about me. Starting today, I’m paring down my reading to Al-Anon related literature (mainly the Big Book of Al-Anon and my meditation books, like One day at a time in Al-Anon), and the books I need to read for review.

Also, I’m writing a non-fiction book this year called “Undertow: Growing Up With An Alcoholic Sister.” I’ve only written the outline so far, but that took some serious work.

So, I’m only going to keep my favorite one or two Al-Anon meetings. Only going to the skills building and sharing meeting on Tuesday night. One or two open talks. LOTS of rest and sleep. Walks with Lucy so I can talk with God about all that’s going on (that’s whom I choose to call my Higher Power; if it helps you, fine).

The life unexamined is not worth living. Didn’t someone famous say that? 😉

Ouch!

Still, after three tylenol 3’s and one flexeril, my back and hips feel like they are on fire, and I’m not even the least bit sleepy. It would be nice if I could at least sleep through one of these attacks. Maybe I should sign up for a yoga or tai chi class or something like that. It might help. I went to physical therapy. Haven’t kept up with my exercises. Duh. That might help too. I just feel sooooo old. I’m going to be 45 this year, and it feels incredibly young to have degenerative arthritis in my back, hips and knees. I can’t sit or stand in any position for more than 20 minutes at a time. Which sucks, since I love to latch-hook, and – of course – write.

Getting old – it stinks. Crap.

al-anon

This morning I’m going to my third al-anon meeting. So far I’m finding them very helpful because the people at the meetings are teaching me to detach in love from the alcoholic in my life, namely Carol. Also, I’m supposed to learn to take care of myself. Heh. New concept for me. I’m so used to taking care of others (sounds rather martyrish (is that even a word?) doesn’t it? But that’s the truth. I have, for most of my life, felt like a non-person. Mostly like a blob, a non-entity. So for me to begin to recognize myself as someone who needs care which truly only I can give is like – wow.

Wish me luck.

intro to me

I’m a writer, but that’s a separate journal. This journal is a place for me to vent, to talk about what the heck is going on in my life, and to figure things out. I’ve been told by some that I’m the most functional in a very dysfunctional family, which is saying a helluva lot, since I struggle with borderline personality, bipolar, and obsessive compulsive disorders. Lots of times I’ll just be ranting, and if it helps you, I’m happy. I certainly don’t want to add to anyone else’s angst.

 Carol (my sister) drank yesterday. She’s an alcoholic. She turned 58 this year, and she’s been drinking since I was three years old. I’ll be 45 this year. I can’t figure it out. She finally got her driver’s license back after ten years of not having one (three dui’s in Michigan and that’s it). It’s restricted for a year, where she has to blow into one of those things every 15 minutes, but she has a car, and she was really excited.

I’ve joined al-anon, and went to my second meeting this past Monday. When this all happened yesterday, I called two people from my phone list to ask what to do, because everything our family has tried in the past hasn’t worked. If we’d taken her to a hospital, she would have just signed herself out the next day (or hours later) AMA.

What I learned is that I have to take care of myself first. And that by rescuing Carol all the time, it sends her a message that she’s worthless, that she’s not worthwhile, and cannot take care of herself – which of course she’s perfectly capable of. She has tons of friends in AA, all of which she could have called (BEFORE she picked up a drink). She has a schizophrenic adult son. She’s in a relationship that’s about to breakup. Problems with her two daughters. There are lots of reasons to drink.

 Oh hell. I’m done for now. Anyone else out there have alcoholism in their families that has some experience, strength and hope to share with me?d