Filling My Cup

Is this not a beautiful picture? I couldn’t resist it when I saw it. If I could get my heart started every morning on a cup full of sparkles instead of caffeine, I’d be all over it. ūüôā That is¬†SO¬†pretty to me.

It made me think about what I need to fill myself with every day. Like, how does what I read, watch on TV, and look at on the internet affect me? How does who I talk to on the phone or in person affect my mood? How does what I write about or not write about make me feel? If I don’t spend time in knitting do I feel that loss of my center?

What about meetings? Sometimes who I sit with at a meeting affects my ability to share more . . . not freely, necessarily, but – without stumbling over my words? I get very nervous, and if I don’t ¬†know at least half the people at the table pretty well I get very skittish, like a cat.

But wait–let me back up a second here. My super sponsor and I were talking about books and what we read, and she said that if she reads horror, like Stephen King and stuff like that, it affects her too much in a negative way. Now, I can read Stephen King-like stuff all the livelong day and it does not put me in a negative mood. But let me read some self-help book that tells me I’m doing something¬†wrong¬†— and I’m in a pissy mood the rest of the day.

So the only¬†self-help¬†I need in my life at this point is Al-Anon related material. That’s what I can fill my cup with.

I used to be able to watch the different Law and Order spin-offs all the time. Now I can only watch the main one and Criminal Intent (okay, okay, because I have a thing for Vincent D’Onofrio, happy now? :P) He’s married. So I have to admire from afar. I still watch¬†The Waltons¬†on The Hallmark Channel, and I once watched a whole 24-hour marathon of¬†The Mary Tyler Moore Show. If you remember that, I’m your friend for life. ūüėČ Too much violence isn’t a good thing to fill my cup up with. Humor is¬†great.¬†

My mom thinks I’m too open on here, and on FB. Psh. It’s my blog. And —okay, I’ll be more careful on FB. I don’t exactly have to say where I’m going, or where I am. I still think she worries too much. I guess that’s what Moms do. It’s one of the many ways they offer their love up.

And I’m babbling. What positive ways do you have to fill your cup on a daily basis?

Peace out.

Y is for Yes

While it’s important to understand that “No” is a full sentence, and we need to be able to use that in our lives when we need to, it’s just as important to shout “Yes!” to life’s many opportunities. ¬†We only get one chance at this great thing, we might as well give it our all, eh?

I don’t figure that when I’m taking my last breath I will be thinking of all the rotten things I did, or even all the¬†good¬†things I did. I reckon I’ll be thinking of the chances I missed because I was too scared or too hesitant when I thought maybe I couldn’t do it. Or wasn’t good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, on and on and on.

Today I shout a giant “YES!” to life. I’m ready. I’m so there.

Ahem. Maybe one day at a time.

How about you? What have you said yes to lately? What are you willing to say yes to?

Peace out.

B is for Balance

I’m a freakish researcher. Seriously. I would’ve made a great legal or research assistant, because I research things to the extreme. It takes a gentle nudge from my sponsor to let my know that maybe I’ve done enough and it’s time to stop.

Two examples: When I came to Al-Anon, the qualifying alcoholic in my life was still sober. But then she relapsed.

In my helplessness, and because I was not yet ready to turn that over to God, I researched everything I could. I took books out of the library. I have nearly 50 books downloaded on my Kindle just under the category of Recovery. I read websites. I read my Al-Anon literature with new eyes.

It didn’t change anything. It didn’t change the alcoholic. It didn’t even really give me any peace. What finally gave me peace was letting it go.

The second example is when I found out that sugar suppresses the immune system, and that – since I have chronic fatigue system – I have no business eating sugar, which I secretly carry on a love life with. ūüėČ

BOOM. You guessed it. Research-mode. Went to the library the other day. I currently have five books out about sugar addiction and two on hold, but only one downloaded to kindle and that’s ALL I’m going to download. PROMISE. My sponsor and I laughed about it this morning, because she knew as soon as I told her I found out about sugar and the immune system what would be happening.

I’m sure it’s a result of growing up in a family of such extremes. I learned to cling to the extremes and hold on for dear life. ¬†I take full responsibility for the decisions I make now, don’t get me wrong. But it was so chaotic growing up, and abusive.

Gentleness is my go-to word with myself. Be gentle and find BALANCE. Slowly I’m learning to let go of or accept the things I cannot change and change the things I can. I’m learning it doesn’t have to be all or nothing. I can do the best I can and LET IT GO. Someone – maybe just one person – may be touched by the words I have spoken. Or not. I’ve done my best.

Peace out.