Dear Loved One,
It’s me, your (wife, daughter, sister, friend, girlfriend). I know it’s been really hard lately, watching my meltdowns. I don’t think I could be in your position, witnessing panic attack after panic attack, and an overall highly anxious state. It must be utter hell.
Now imagine what it’s like to live through it. It’s worse than hell. It’s like being promised heaven, having it dangled in front of you like a carrot, and then snatched away at the last minute. You know how when your foot falls asleep and it feels like pins and needles when it wakes up? Having anxiety feels like your whole body is on pins and needles all the time.
I love you so much, but it doesn’t help me when you say “It’s going to be okay,” or “It’s fine.” Those are like empty words and they make things worse instead of better. When I’m in a dark place, I want you to climb in there with me, put your arms around me and say, “Here I am. I’m in the darkness with you..”
When you don’t know what to do, don’t improvise or make something up. Tell me, “I don’t know what to do. What can I do?” That helps more than you know.
Just be here. Just love me. Just sit next to me and be my reality. You know and I know it’s not always this bad. We’ll weather this storm.
The Anxious One
NOTE: I’m so sorry that I’m behind. Please forgive me. I really want to finish the contest. I’ll catch up later tonight and tomorrow morning. I’m not used to writing every day and it has SO stretched and made me grow! ~~
The last line of the Al-Anon suggested closing goes like this: “…let the understanding, love, and peace of the program grow in you one day at a time.” Then we usually stand as a group and recite the Our Father, or some choose to say the Serenity prayer.
Yesterday, at the noon meeting, we had two newcomers. When that happens, I forget all about my fear in sharing. I forget about not knowing what I’m going to say when it’s my turn. I stop comparing myself to other people.
Something just takes over. I like to think of it as God speaking for me. I truly understand what it’s like to be new, to just walk into Al-Anon because you don’t know where else to turn. I understand feeling like someone has gotten on your very last nerve and you are truly going to lose it at any moment, or HAVE lost it too many times to count. I understand feeling like your prayers aren’t even being heard any longer.
I understand not wanting to get out of bed in the morning because it takes just too much energy to put your feet on the ground or even to lift your head from the pillow. I understand counting bottles and checking a loved one’s breath to see if she’s been drinking. I understand waiting up and worrying, checking hospitals and police stations. I’ve been there. I truly have, and I’ve done all that.
I understand RESENTING having to be at an Al-Anon meeting because “Why should I have to be here if I don’t have a problem?? It’s the alcoholic that has a problem!! Not me!” YES, I understand that too. You are not alone.
In Al-Anon it’s hard to shock people because each and everyone has a story similar to tell.